Cleaning Off the DVR

    
      I realize now that that title might be misleading to what this post is actually going to be about. But that's what got me thinking. As some of you may not know my mom died kind of unexpectedly on August 22, 2011. So as not to make this a total downer of a post the gist is that my mom had been sick for about 2 months. We couldn't figure out what the issue was. We took her to the hospital and she was in ICU for a week. On Wednesday August 17 she had to go in for emergency surgery for abdominal pain. The surgeon told us she had cancer everywhere, stomach, liver, pancreas, bowels, you name it. He told us she might not wake up from this surgery where he tried to remove the worst of it. By the grace of God she woke up and we were able to spend a few days with her before she died on Monday. Her funeral was on Saturday August 27, 2011. An experience I pray most of you will not have to deal with for many years to come.
         Because my dad is now a widow I moved back home to kind of be with him for a bit. I'm the only single childless person in my family so it is easier for me to do and honestly I want to not be alone either. Since I've moved home I've helped my dad clean out a lot of her things. I think for him its easier to not see her everyday things. He has kept a lot of things. Well tonight we were watching a show on the History Channel and while waiting for him to come back I asked him if he wanted me to clean off the DVR. He said yes. So here I am sitting in my mom's old chair deleting all her favorite shows and it breaks my heart to think she'll never sit in this chair. She'll never save me a segment of "Rachel Ray" that she thought I would like to see. She and I will never make fun of the drama of "Chopped".
          This past week has been like a dream to me. I feel like I'm in a fog and one day I'll wake up and she'll be here. But I know deep down she won't. I don't let myself think about it during the day but at night when its quite I can't stop my thoughts. She was an amazing woman and I hope one day to be half the person she was. She was a mom first but my best friend second and I miss her more than anything in the world. But we take it one day at a time and as my dear friend Christi said, we try to find a new normal but never forget the old. One day I hope to get there.
         For anyone interested you can read her obituary here, because I'm not going to lie, my mom was freaking awesome!

I love you mom!