Well mom its your birthday. Happy birthday! I took flowers to you this morning. I hope you liked them. I always liked giving you flowers. Anything really. You were always so appreciative of things I gave you. Even when it was ugly costume jewelry when I was 10. Honestly its been kind of a rough day. I couldn't sleep last night because I was trying to figure out how I would handle your first birthday without you. I tend to have lots of dreams about you. All I ever get to do in them is give you one last hug or we make one last joke. As hard as those are to wake up from I always feel like I had a little piece of you for a second. Isn't it nice to recognize the tender mercies we are given sometimes? I think about you every day and find that little things remind me of you. I was eating a yogurt today and it reminded me of when I ate some yogurt from your fridge that turned out to be 4 months old and I called you to complain and you said "well....nice knowin ya!" :) So witty. I loved that about you.
Dad sure misses you mom. I am trying to do what I can but I'm afraid I am not quite to your caliber. He loves you a lot and thinks of you often. Some days are harder than others and he tries to not let it show but I can tell. You were a great example to me of what unconditional love for your spouse means. You always did for him and him for you. You both are great examples to me. If every marriage was like yours I probably wouldn't be so scared of it. :) We had an Easter party with the family last week. You would have been sorely disappointed that no jello eggs made an appearance. Have no fear I'll step it up at the next party. You showed me how to be a great hostess. You and dad should be proud. We kids didn't turn out so bad, although we all sometimes wonder about Becky. (just kidding Becky!!)
I'm buying a house mom. not sure if you knew that. I'm sure you do. You would have loved the house. I know you would have brought me a plant on closing day, bought me things to put on my front porch, helped me plant flowers, made a face at my idea for paint on one wall in the kitchen (let's just say it involves lemon yellow and silver :D), you would have stopped by "on your way home" even though this house is no where close to you just to say "hi". But I know you are still cheering me on and guiding me and I thank you for that.
As the years pass and life continues to move forward I hope you never think I've forgotten you. I never could. You were and still are someone I try to be. I hope one day I'll get close. I know that I will always need your guidance and direction mom, please help me even if I forget to ask. Thank you for all you ever did for me and sticking with me during my terrible fourteens :). I look forward to the day when I will see you again and give you that hug I've been wanting to give you since the day you left. You were an amazing mom and grandmother. We couldn't have asked for anyone better. I love you and miss you. Happy birthday.
Love,
Emily
